On the Brink of Giving Up

Not a day goes by that I do not think of you or talk to you. I am just tired of it all. The challenges are much too much. I do not believe that this is necessary for me to become stronger. At this rate, I am stronger than Samson. I have experienced enough heart breaking moments and witnessed the continual suffering of others. I too suffer. I help others, I put their needs and concerns above my own. I give all and get more challenges in return. I pray, I believe, I worship and still nothing.

Why are we created? Are we all a part of a big game? Are you getting a kick out of it? How do we proceed? What are we supposed to get out of this? Are we supposed to think that you are great and that you care? It looks like you are a big bully who does not care. We should all be afraid of you because we do not know if we are next on the punishing block. It's like living in a torture chamber - uncertain when the next event will occur. Laughter, happiness, joy all short lived while the hurt lasts much longer and are more frequent. It's been awful rough and I am losing faith in you............ I am really thinking about not thinking of you anymore. You have not showed up for me at all and things are just getting worse.

Promises, promises...............

As a child who waits patiently yet excitedly for her father to show up, I wait for you. I look forward to seeing you come through on the promises that you made in your holy word. I was taught that your word is true and that you never lie. I was also told that you said if I ask I shall receive, if I have faith I can do anything, and most importantly - you never lie. In your word - it states that you promise never to leave me nor forsake me - I don't feel your presence.

I am waiting for you to show up. I am waiting on you to answer my prayers. I am expecting my miracle and I am trusting you to deliver. I have faith - please keep your promise. As your child, I have waited patiently with great excitement and expectation for you to show up - I wait for you.

Where are you? We need your attention......

Dear God,

What is going on? We are told to go to school to further our education. We set our goals to attain higher degrees in order to achieve financial success. Steven Kazmierczak decided not only to interrupt the path of others who had set their goals and was working towards achieving them; he decided to affect the families, friends, fellow classmates and all of us who follow the sad news. Valentines Day will never be the same for many of those who witnessed such hatred or for those who lost their loved ones on that day.

My question today God is where are you? I have always believed that you know all things, see all things and there is nothing that you cannot do - so what happened? How can I feel safe sending my girls off to college? How many lives will this effect in those who are now afraid of going to college? We are told to put our trust in you and I believe that those students just felt safe - after all you wouldn't allow anything so horrendous happen to them - not on Valentines Day!

With all respect, why do you allow these things to happen over and over again? What are we to learn from this? We know that we cannot take life for granted. We all know that tomorrow is not promised. We can go on and on with all of the givens........ However, I am so distracted by all this as I look to you for answers. I just want to hear from you. You know my thoughts and my intentions - please Dear God - we need your attention - it's just too crazy!

Can we just experience a day of peace and love?

Happy Valentines Day!

I know that this is the day that love is highlighted. Couples are planning to celebrate by exchanging gifts, going out to dinner, while proposals are ranked high on this day as well as marriages. It is all about sharing love with that special someone - and God knows there are so many others who do not have anyone to share.

Today Dear God, I pray that all the people who have a special someone to share their love will appreciate what they have in each other. I pray that those who do not have anyone special will find a way to cope with the emphasis that this day brings. How about bringing a dose of comfort and contentment to their lives? Let them know that they are special and loved by you the ultimate pure love. How about a special sign of love through the kindness of others? I know that you decide on how things will go - but I just needed to share this with you.

Innocent Lives at the hands of Ignorant People

My Dear God,

Yes, it's me as usual....... I can't help it - I need to let this out. A council meeting in Kirkwood, St. Louis where Charles
Thornton, a man who they said regularly disrupted meetings to air grievances and complain -- killed five people. His brother Gerald on Thursday said he "went to war tonight with the people that were of the government." War??? I must be extremely foolish but I think this brother Gerald and his mother Annie, other brother Arthur and any other family member who defends this man's action should be watched rather closely or better yet committed to an asylum - just think that there are nine siblings.

I listened to his mother as she said "Well, I just feel like it's an act of God just like a storm or a tornado because he has gone through this for so many years but they just kept giving him tickets for every little thing they could. And with his education and knowledge and knowing the lord, I think this is one of those things." As if that was not ignorant enough, she added "Well, the ones that he shot, I guess, was the ones he felt like done him harm. That's the way I feel." GOD?????? Are you hearing this??!!!!!!! She called it an act of you. Why do you allow these ridiculous clearly insane people to pass it off on you? Do something! PLEASE!!!!!

What do you say to the families, friends and others who are looking at this in disbelief? How do they ever find comfort? How do they begin to trust that you love and care about us? Charles Thornton killed two policemen, Tom Ballman and William Biggs; council members Michael H.T. Lynch and Connie Karr; and Director of Public Works Kenneth Yost.

Mayor Mike Swoboda was hospitalized in critical condition with gunshot wounds. How can this mayor feel safe to continue in office? What is the tone of that city? Am I missing something? I am praying for those families along with the masses of people who too have sent up their prayers - please hear our cry - it's time.

It's really personal.......

I am really upset. Over the years, I have lost so many loved ones that it seems as though you are doing a sweep on my family. The biggest killer is cancer. Cancer took my father, my uncle, my aunt, my sister, and now my father in law is facing his own battle. Why?
These precious spirits all had a great role in life. So many of us depended on them for their words of encouragement, their love, and their presence. We need them to laugh with and share our ups and downs. We have planned a family trip to Barbados in the spring and now we just can’t go without him. We will need to be there for him - how awful will he feel (even though he may encourage us to go) that he is not able to join us? How awful will he feel if he realizes that we are not going - the thought of being the reason that we all decided not to go - can be quite depressing. Why would you want anyone to suffer through that?

I question you all the time, yet I pray to you because I believe that you can change things. I just need to hear from you. I just need to see a miracle - I know you can deliver - it's in the sky - the sun, moon, clouds, rain, air, trees, ocean and the wonderful creatures, the many countries and islands that you have created with different cultures. I could go on and on about your magnificent works. I relish in them and I give thanks for it all - yet I question you - why?

I really need to hear from you - please, dear God, show up!

The Plight of Mankind

My dearest God,

This morning I woke up with so many things racing through my mind. I wonder why am I always thinking of others. I am always feeling the need to help others and I wonder why wont you just show up. There are people who are struggling to make ends meet and even through the struggles they face even more challenges.

As I heard the sirens and saw the cars moving quickly out of their way, my eyes caught a smoke filled sky which indicated a huge loss. For some reason, I began to pray. I prayed for the families and business that will be affected by the loss. Their memories, their place of shelter and rest, their source of income, and on and on I went. I could just cry, I can recall the fire that shook my world.

After leaving a horrible marriage, with my children in tow, I was determined to make life better for us. I left everything behind - no furniture, no televisions, no clothes, etc. I packed just enough to get us through. As soon as we settled in and I purchased new beds, televisions, furniture, clothes, etc., an electric fire came in and claimed it all. I know what it feels like to watch your hard earned money go up in flames. I did not have time to cry, the shock of it all propelled me to jump into survival mode. I had my girls to raise, protect and to support. I did not give it much thought I knew I had to get back on my feet and be strong our lives depended on it. However, I think about the people who have everything invested in their businesses, their homes, they have so many other items that they bought to make their lives more enjoyable. Why???

While others are able to dust off and get back on their feet, there are those folks who just can't take another challenge. Why does it seem that you are trying to break us down? How much stronger can one get after enduring numerous challenges? A fire comes and within in minutes it can destroy lives. People hang out of their windows crying for help, babies are thrown out for others to rescue, some jump out to save themselves, some are overwhelmed with the smoke and die as a result of inhalation and a few escape. How could you let this happen? Oh God who loves and cares for us, how?

This is bothering me..................

A few weeks ago, as I watched the news, a report came on about some Christians at a camp site were murdered. Shortly following that report, a few days later, another report of a gunman shooting at a church which left a death trail in Colorado.

New reports followed across the globe. In Kenya,a group of people who sought refuge in a church were hacked with machetes and torched to death. It is just plain disturbing to think that you could allow this suffering to those who felt that they may have found a hiding place sure to be safe. I can imagine the fear, disappointment and ultimate confusion that they may have felt. Fathers, Mothers and children all being murdered.

This is just sad. I could only imagine the other related incidents that have occurred over the years. However, these were so close together - it gave me a moment to pause and ponder. We go to church because we trust you and it is our place of refuge -to unwind and release our troubles before you in fellowship. Why can't we be safe? Why would you allow someone to come in and ivade our space of reverence? Should we dare say that we can't assume that you will protect us as we gather together to worship you? What do you want from us? What are we supposed to do? How can others ever trust that you exist and care about us? What is the lesson that we should learn from this? We do not have to go to church? We should not make the assumption that we are safe in your presence? What gives God? What are we supposed to do? How are we supposed to trust you? How can we pray to you and expect you to be listening or answering our prayer? Are you coming out with another manual for us to live by and understand how we are supposed to do this journey through life? Are we just in a state of every man for him/herself including children and infants? I just don't get it.....................
It would be nice to hear from you.

Happy New Year!

It's 2008 and I am expecting a lot more from you.

Can I ask you a question? I have watched the news and I have seen many tragedies throughout the world. Wars in various countries. Genocide- wiping out millions of lives of people who are already struggling, why?

Why are people not safe in your place of worship? A place where people gather to pray and seek your guidance - why is not protected by you? You are the ultimate source of all. You are in complete control and we are helpless. We are limited in our ability to handle certain things and you know this.........

Is fair to say that if we have faith the size of a mustard seed that we can move mountains? Can we really? I'm sure that even the most depressed and destitute have hope and faith that things will get better, they even pray. So why?

Why? Why?